Love is you, you and me. Love is knowing, we can be.

So I have come to realize that people throw the word "Love" around way to easily, and sometimes without meaning. Ever since I was little I was taught that "Hate" was a strong and hurtful word which in turn made me think that "Love" was strong, but not so hurtful. As you get older however, you realize that love hurts more than hate. People don't realize that when you say "I love you" to someone, it means to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. It's a huge step of commitment and comfortableness. Now I don't want to sound all poo poo about this but for people like me, who have a huge heart and care about everyone in their lives, saying I Love You is a comforting thing. It makes us feel all warm and toasty inside. It gets us giddy and excited with feelings. But when you say that you love someone and then do something to make them think otherwise, it hurts like hell. You are putting yourself out on a limb when you express these feelings and it sucks when someone breaks that limb and leaves you tumbling until it hurts.

Don't get me wrong, love is a beautiful thing, but in other ways, it isn't oh so beautiful. I think it hurts more to experience love, then have your heart ripped out and stomped on. I may sound....what's the word.... pessimistic ? But it's 100% true. Love is a feeling from your heart, and like everyone knows, your heart is one of the most important organs in the human body. I'd rather hear someone say they hate me than be an indian giver with the word love. You don't give love and then take it back. I know many people don't agree with my opinion, but honestly, it scares the shit out of me to fall in love. I've never been in love, and I do want to, but I want to make sure that I am 100% in love with that special someone. I don't want to mislead anyone or break their heart. The reason why I'm afraid to experience love is because I see the world we live in today, and it's so much different than what it used to be. No one gets to know each other anymore, or go on dates. It's all about having fun, hooking up, and having sexy time. It's not passionate anymore, and I think that's why everything has changed. I would like to think that I'm never going to get a divorce or be alone for the rest of my life, but divorce is so common now...it almost seems like a trend. I feel that people rush into things now these days and think they love someone, then get married, have kids, then realize "Oh shit, I'm not in love." No one takes their time with things....and with love, you can't dick around with love. Love is no game or joke....it's serious, risky business (love that movie).

Point I'm trying to make is that Love is powerful, and compassionate. I just don't know if everyone in this world knows that....and it scares the bejesus out of me.

My Life Be Like Ooh Ahh

So can we discuss how everything changes? I guess that is what makes life so..... unpredictable. You go through your childhood worrying about what kind of trendy toys are out there and imagine yourself as a princess, warrior, musician, athlete, or jedi (in my case). Then there are the teens.....Oh those teen years....How I remember them well. In these stressful, dramatic times, you are faced with that lovely, yet so shitty thing called puberty, crushes, thinking that you are in love but really aren't, and cliques and bitches. After these years, there are those college days. This is the time where you are faced with multitasking between your social life (aka parties) and school work. In my opinion, and I speak from experience (having lived through childhood and the teen years), the college years is where change mainly takes place. At least for me anyways. On weekends I now work, study, and sometimes....if I'm lucky get to go out with friends. To be quite truthful, I don't want petty drama in my life. I hate how even now, in this small, butt sucking town, even at 20 years old, I am still faced with drama. People that used to like each other and what not now get annoyed with each other, and no one ever does anything anymore. You can say that I am not practical and I am wishful thinking, or I'm not one with reality, but can you blame me? Can you blame me for wishing that things were all the same?

When I was younger, my brother once taught me a good, but sad life lesson. He told me that as you get older, and graduate high school, you will drift from some of your closest friends. It never really hit me until just recently, when I was looking at old photos from circa 2008 (inside joke) with a group of friends hanging out at a memorial, park, train station, etc. enjoying life and not knowing where life would take us. I know that that was the past, and that things change....and even though that group of friends may not be as close as they were, they all look back on those memories and remember all the good times that they've had. I didn't write this blog to offend or upset anyone, I wrote this blog to let my friends know that I love them and I miss them. No matter what happens, or if you are different from a friend, and don't see eye to eye, they are still your friend and they'd do anything for you.

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

So as you all may know, summer time is finished...and school has began. I can honestly say that I am excited due to the fact that this summer was boring and way too long. Usually I hate school after the first week but I've found that as long as I keep busy, and do not procrastinate, that I will excel and enjoy it more. Going to a community college is a bit different than going to a University mainly because it really does feel like thirteenth grade. Last two years I hated it...I would go to class, take notes, then go home for the day. This semester I actually use the resources BCC provides me, like the library, lounge, and computer lab. Going to the library actually gives me time to finish up any work I have, and it gives me the feeling of......"I musst be smart if I go to the library." Although it's harder to actually meet people at community college, going into the library may increase the chances of meeting someone new. What many people don't understand is that sitting at home, doing nothing can be a bit boring at times. I absolutely hate sitting inside my house and just watch the time crawl by. At least with school, I'm out and about, and I have school work to keep me busy. One down side about going to community college is the fact that you drive there....and then you have to find a parking space, which in my case...is in east jabumble fuck. I go to one of the campuses about a half hour away, and this campus is the biggest.... I have class in the building right next to the library and I wind up parking ten minutes away (walking ) from my classroom. I'm about two hours early so I decide to go to the library......and like most college students, I don't have a backpack, or a bag big enough to carry my books. So what do I do?! I carry my five books which are extremely heavy from my car to the library...then back to the car when I'm done at the library...then I drive my car around to the parking lot next to the building my class is in.....and I find one parking spot!!! So yea..... pointless story but I'd figure that it would give a good laugh.

I Keep Dancing On My Own

Okay so I haven't updated in like parsecs but the way I look at it, it's better late than never. I have decided that I am going to make this blog to benefit me. I want to write down my ideas and let everyone know about my life and objectives. Maybe I can shed some light on their problems, but mostly, I'm hoping that this will give me the voice that I desperately need. Since I am human, I have feelings...and like any other human, they should speak their mind and get an opinion. However, with me, and I find that most people also share this problem, I have a very hard time expressing how I really feel. Not sure if it's because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or if it's because I hate conflict. So this blog is all about me being able to express myself whether it be personal, funny, disgusting, or absolutely ODD!

Well now that the reason why I am blogging has been covered, let's start off with my life as we know it. I have been recently thinking about doing stand up comedy. Possibly taking classes in Spring at the Helium Comedy Club, and hopefully will succeed at making people laugh so hard that milk comes out of their nose. (Even if they aren't drinking milk....So funny that I even produce the milk in their nose.) I've always found myself to be a funny gal, I love making people laugh, and it makes me feel better about myself. Have lots of stories that can relate to family, friends, and just awkward situations. Now, this is not what I am going to school for, but I always wanted to try something that I can later in life say, "I tried something fun, exciting, and a bit out of the ordinary." Although I love making people laugh, I'm not one for going out of my way to do something that won't help me later in life. Who knows though, maybe I will be so GREAT that I will be performing at arenas and have shirts with Millmosa written in huge lettering across the front..... with me in the background performing the jedi mind trick, and then on the back say, "Master Mosa.....this is the comedian you were looking for." I haven't really put a lot of thought into it haha.

Let's discuss how I have a new found... well old found hatred for automobiles. I have the worst luck with cars.... I swear, the vehicle god hates me. Anywho... I'm on my way home and I'm turning onto my street and next thing you know flat tire!!! All I can hear is a floppidy flop flop noise coming from the floor under the pedals....and I think to myself....did I hit a squirrel and it's stuck in my tire?! Close! but no...sadly enough it was not a squirrel, it was just my tire screaming, "Flat Tire!!! Flat Tire!!" Luckily I was at my house by the time I found out what it was. Although this was bad, the good news is I now get to drive my mom's tiny red vagina of a car around and her's is in mint condition!