Who knows, not me.

So it has been a tremendously long time since I have updated this thing, and for that I apologize for those of you who find my life interesting. Since then, I've been working and trying to hang with as many people as possible. For one, I'd like to apologize for those of you I have not seen or talked to. I never wanted to be the friend who basically fell of the edge of the earth but unfortunately, I have become that. My feelings towards you all have not changed for I love you and am there for you all. Life gets in the way and it sucks.... but I would like to put out there that I do care and that I am not simply ignoring you or don't care, I've just been terribly busy with all that life throws at me.

Update on the life of Kerri.... Grandparents are moved in, house is done, change has arrived, room is still unorganized and still needs more....sprucing?! I feel that my life has changed from what it used to be, when I lived with my mom and basically did what I wanted to do. Now, I am surrounded by grandma, which is not a bad thing considering I can't do what I want to do. This semester I will not be attending school..... I have decided that I need time to do what makes me happy and need to find who I really am. It won't set me back, and I have thought about it, and I have come to realize that it is very much needed. This semester I want to make money, and I want to pursue my dream of being a comedian....well actually, I could care less if I am a comedian, but I want to at least try some stand up courses, and enjoy living life. All of my life I have been the type to worry too much and please other people more than myself. I'm not saying I am going to be cold and heartless, but why can't I have some fun?! Everything is different for me and I'm not used to it. I've lost friends, and I feel like I am losing family. Anyway, I at first did not want to write about my plans this semester because I felt like a failure. But I am realizing more and more that I am doing this to help me be who I am. As Joe Giudice says, "Happy wife, Happy life....forget about it!" Although I am not a wife.....so that part doesn't apply to me....but the rest can!!!

Title not Included.

I hate how all I do is work and don't have a social life.
I hate how I try to please myself and in the end I just displease everyone else.
I hate when people act like they care and then they just make you realize that they don't.
I hate school.
I hate responsibilities.
I hate money.
I hate time.
I hate Sassy for eating my chap stick.
I hate how I'm busy all the time now.
I hate how I get a job for money to go out, but in the end, I have money but don't have the time.

I'm sorry if I am busy all the time.
I'm sorry if I'm not what you want me to be.
I'm sorry if I'm not skinny enough.
I'm sorry I can't please everyone.
I'm sorry I get angry too easily.
I'm sorry I am not perfect.
I'm sorry I am a little immature.
I'm sorry I am too mature.
I'm sorry I don't want to hear your problems because I have mine of my own.
I'm sorry that I just don't give a shit anymore.


This post is not pointed towards one person...... Just venting and putting shit out there.

Randomosity = LOVE

So since I have nothing to write about, I recently read an article that just caught my eye. Naturally....... the title reads, "Woman Bites Lover's Penis off in Car accident." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is amazing. Is it bad to say that I don't feel bad for these two at all? First of all the man who had his Dr. Johnson chewed off like a kabob was cheating on his wife at the time with his secretary. So these two kit kats are in his car, at a park ...which can we just step aside for a second. If you were cheating on your wife, why the fuck would you go somewhere in public?! Might as well just do it outside of the business office. Anywho, they are in the car and she's going down on him..... orally (for those of you who didn't understand how this happened), and out of nowhere....BOOM! Bite, Rip off, Blood, Scream, Faint (In that order). Meanwhile, there is a P.I. hired by the man's wife catching all of this on tape..... Needless to say the PI was the one who called the ambulance, and quite possibly saved this man's life. So the lover (aka the secretarian whore) goes to the hospital with the penis .....which I think is awkward......How the hell is she going to explain herself to anyone? and I guarantee she's going to be known as the slut of the office.....right before she gets fired along with her hub bub.... Spanky the boss. So life lesson for ya....be sure to practice safe sex...no matter where you are.... and not to cheat, because in the end....all you'll have is a bag of ice on your package, and a ripped off penis.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Well as all of you may know, recently there have been many suicides related to the orientation of a person. This absolutely makes me sick. I think it's quite pitiful that some people need to make someone feel like shit or make them feel unaccepted in this world because of who they love. What absolutely baffles me is why do these dickheads care? How the hell does it affect them? Honestly.... it actually shows insecurity if you ask me. I really don't give a shit about hurting these people's feelings... We live in the 21st century and there is no need for people to bully someone for their own lifestyle. These bullies don't understand that their lifestyle might be odd for others...they aren't perfect and they need to realize this. Why is it a joke when two men or two female are holding hands? Seriously....can you not accept change?! We are all human, doesn't matter who we love, what color we are, or what gender we are.... We all live the same way and when I say live I mean...all of us rely on the same things that provides us with life. These bullies are afraid...they really are...and as time goes on there are going to be more people out there who are different than you...who don't live the same way as you do, who don't believe in the same things as you do....and honestly you can't do a thing about it.... This insecurity that I have just stated will only make your life harder.......and I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you can't except the world you live in. It doesn't matter who a person loves...whether it be a man loving a man or a female loving a female....it's love....love is love...tender, passionate feelings to another human.

For those who I love. Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. I have gay friends and I can say that they are the most loving, funny, most down to earth people ever. They are beautiful people and I love them dearly. Be who you are....don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Fuck all of those people who can't accept you for you..... They have no control or say to what you can do or who to love. Be strong..... don't let anyone break you. I love you and I don't want you to change ever.

Love is you, you and me. Love is knowing, we can be.

So I have come to realize that people throw the word "Love" around way to easily, and sometimes without meaning. Ever since I was little I was taught that "Hate" was a strong and hurtful word which in turn made me think that "Love" was strong, but not so hurtful. As you get older however, you realize that love hurts more than hate. People don't realize that when you say "I love you" to someone, it means to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. It's a huge step of commitment and comfortableness. Now I don't want to sound all poo poo about this but for people like me, who have a huge heart and care about everyone in their lives, saying I Love You is a comforting thing. It makes us feel all warm and toasty inside. It gets us giddy and excited with feelings. But when you say that you love someone and then do something to make them think otherwise, it hurts like hell. You are putting yourself out on a limb when you express these feelings and it sucks when someone breaks that limb and leaves you tumbling until it hurts.

Don't get me wrong, love is a beautiful thing, but in other ways, it isn't oh so beautiful. I think it hurts more to experience love, then have your heart ripped out and stomped on. I may sound....what's the word.... pessimistic ? But it's 100% true. Love is a feeling from your heart, and like everyone knows, your heart is one of the most important organs in the human body. I'd rather hear someone say they hate me than be an indian giver with the word love. You don't give love and then take it back. I know many people don't agree with my opinion, but honestly, it scares the shit out of me to fall in love. I've never been in love, and I do want to, but I want to make sure that I am 100% in love with that special someone. I don't want to mislead anyone or break their heart. The reason why I'm afraid to experience love is because I see the world we live in today, and it's so much different than what it used to be. No one gets to know each other anymore, or go on dates. It's all about having fun, hooking up, and having sexy time. It's not passionate anymore, and I think that's why everything has changed. I would like to think that I'm never going to get a divorce or be alone for the rest of my life, but divorce is so common now...it almost seems like a trend. I feel that people rush into things now these days and think they love someone, then get married, have kids, then realize "Oh shit, I'm not in love." No one takes their time with things....and with love, you can't dick around with love. Love is no game or joke....it's serious, risky business (love that movie).

Point I'm trying to make is that Love is powerful, and compassionate. I just don't know if everyone in this world knows that....and it scares the bejesus out of me.

My Life Be Like Ooh Ahh

So can we discuss how everything changes? I guess that is what makes life so..... unpredictable. You go through your childhood worrying about what kind of trendy toys are out there and imagine yourself as a princess, warrior, musician, athlete, or jedi (in my case). Then there are the teens.....Oh those teen years....How I remember them well. In these stressful, dramatic times, you are faced with that lovely, yet so shitty thing called puberty, crushes, thinking that you are in love but really aren't, and cliques and bitches. After these years, there are those college days. This is the time where you are faced with multitasking between your social life (aka parties) and school work. In my opinion, and I speak from experience (having lived through childhood and the teen years), the college years is where change mainly takes place. At least for me anyways. On weekends I now work, study, and sometimes....if I'm lucky get to go out with friends. To be quite truthful, I don't want petty drama in my life. I hate how even now, in this small, butt sucking town, even at 20 years old, I am still faced with drama. People that used to like each other and what not now get annoyed with each other, and no one ever does anything anymore. You can say that I am not practical and I am wishful thinking, or I'm not one with reality, but can you blame me? Can you blame me for wishing that things were all the same?

When I was younger, my brother once taught me a good, but sad life lesson. He told me that as you get older, and graduate high school, you will drift from some of your closest friends. It never really hit me until just recently, when I was looking at old photos from circa 2008 (inside joke) with a group of friends hanging out at a memorial, park, train station, etc. enjoying life and not knowing where life would take us. I know that that was the past, and that things change....and even though that group of friends may not be as close as they were, they all look back on those memories and remember all the good times that they've had. I didn't write this blog to offend or upset anyone, I wrote this blog to let my friends know that I love them and I miss them. No matter what happens, or if you are different from a friend, and don't see eye to eye, they are still your friend and they'd do anything for you.

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

So as you all may know, summer time is finished...and school has began. I can honestly say that I am excited due to the fact that this summer was boring and way too long. Usually I hate school after the first week but I've found that as long as I keep busy, and do not procrastinate, that I will excel and enjoy it more. Going to a community college is a bit different than going to a University mainly because it really does feel like thirteenth grade. Last two years I hated it...I would go to class, take notes, then go home for the day. This semester I actually use the resources BCC provides me, like the library, lounge, and computer lab. Going to the library actually gives me time to finish up any work I have, and it gives me the feeling of......"I musst be smart if I go to the library." Although it's harder to actually meet people at community college, going into the library may increase the chances of meeting someone new. What many people don't understand is that sitting at home, doing nothing can be a bit boring at times. I absolutely hate sitting inside my house and just watch the time crawl by. At least with school, I'm out and about, and I have school work to keep me busy. One down side about going to community college is the fact that you drive there....and then you have to find a parking space, which in my case...is in east jabumble fuck. I go to one of the campuses about a half hour away, and this campus is the biggest.... I have class in the building right next to the library and I wind up parking ten minutes away (walking ) from my classroom. I'm about two hours early so I decide to go to the library......and like most college students, I don't have a backpack, or a bag big enough to carry my books. So what do I do?! I carry my five books which are extremely heavy from my car to the library...then back to the car when I'm done at the library...then I drive my car around to the parking lot next to the building my class is in.....and I find one parking spot!!! So yea..... pointless story but I'd figure that it would give a good laugh.